A Meal for the Arrancar
by magicsmith
Summary: Orihime Inoue cooks for the Arrancar with the unwilling assistance of Ulquiorra. The reaction to her cooking disappoints Orihime. Oneshot. Complete.


_Tite Kubo owns Bleach. I just borrowed the characters._

**A Meal for the Arrancar**

Ulquiorra was dismayed and disappointed. Within a few hours everything had transformed and he felt uncertain that the change would be for the better. He felt the control he held over the human prisoner begin to crumble as she moved happily around the kitchen humming a tune.

"Isn't it nice of Aizen to allow me to cook today?" she said brightly to the Espada.

"Lord Aizen,' he corrected her automatically.

"Lord Aizen, Captain Aizen, Aizen sama, Aizen dono, Mr Aizen," Orihime covered her mouth as she giggled. "Oops, now I'll have to wash my hands again. Could you move closer to the wall? I need more space to cook."

Grudgingly he did as he was asked and continued to watch her. She was still his charge and he did not like to see her moving around freely.

"Everyone is going to try my cooking. Isn't it exciting? Even you're going to eat some, aren't you Ulquiorra?" she burbled as she cut up some objects that he did not recognise.

"Arrancar and Espada do not need food," he began to explain yet again to the female.

"I know, but I want you to taste the food I like," was her answer as she stirred a pot that was simmering on the stove.

He did not bother to respond. If it stopped her moping for 10 minutes that was fine by him and he'd eat something, if only to keep her happy. It annoyed him when she moped, making him feel guilty.

"Only 10 minutes more. I hope I've made enough food. Should I make some for all the Hollows as well?" Orihime asked.

"No." The woman was out of control. Why would Hollows want to eat food?

"Ulquiorra, would you do something for me?' she asked coyly, dropping her eyelashes over her eyes.

"What it is, woman?" his sigh of exasperation was lost on her.

"Could you help me carry out the salads?"

With resignation he grabbed some bowls and took them out to the table.

Within the promised time, the meal was ready and all the Espada and their subordinates and the three ex Shinigami Captains were seated, eating the food served to them.

"Are you sure it's meant to taste like this," Ulquiorra hissed at Orihime as he tasted the concoction on his plate.

She ate some and smiled happily. "This is perfect. Eat up. The more you eat, the more you'll like it."

Many of the Espada did not seem to be enjoying the special meal, but ate it after Aizen gave them very stern looks. He was toying with the food on his place, occasionally taking a bite and then quickly drinking large amounts of water. It was obvious to Ulquiorra that Aizen was only eating it to humour the girl.

After a short time the Espada began to find urgent matters that required their attention. Aizen allowed them to leave one by one and the excuses became more absurd, Sayzel explaining he thought he'd left his Bunsen burner switched on. Another commenting that he really needed to fold his clean clothes. Halibel remembered that she needed to wash her hair. As the room gradually emptied, Ulquiorra began to feel increasingly uneasy. His stomach was roiling and he continually burped. He felt his forehead become damp and his hands shook as he lifted them to wipe his face.

"I don't feel very well," Tosen said and then slumped over the table. Gin's constant smile faded and he tried to rise. He failed and lay flaccid in his chair. Aizen turned a rather peculiar colour and began to pant heavily.

"What have you done, woman?" Ulquiorra asked in a hoarse whisper, before he too succumbed to the sickness that had spread through the room.

Orihime got to her feet, aghast at the sight of her victims rolling on the floor, clutching at their stomachs and groaning.

A commotion at the doorway drew her attention. Standing there were her rescuers.

"What happened here?" Captain Unohana asked with quiet curiosity. "All the Espada we have encountered are sick and unable to fight."

"Yeah, they're real boring. I wanted to have a scrap and all they seem able to do is vomit," complained the 11th Division Captain.

"At least I can obtain some experimental subject. Nemu, check the Arrancar's numbers. I want the strongest. They might last longer when I perform my tests." Captain Kurotsuchi ordered his daughter.

"I only cooked for them," Orihime protested. "I just made them the food I liked. I don't understand what's wrong."

Rukia went a ghastly colour. "You cooked for them? I'm not surprised they're sick. Some of them might even die."

"Does this mean it's the end of the Winter War? What a waste of time. Damn, not one decent fight. Hey, kid, will you give me a fight otherwise I might get antsy from the let down," Captain Zaraki asked Ichigo.

"Be sensible Zaraki. We have to go and report this to the Captain-General," Captain Unohana chided him.

"I didn't realise you were going to be our secret weapon," Uryu said to Orihime with admiration and she smiled and blushed at the compliment.

"I always said Orihime had hidden talents," Ichigo informed them all complacently.

**THE END**

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Author's Note:

Definitely a one-shot. Please review.

MS


End file.
